tides & clouds

sometimes you've got to fold before you're found out.

i’m so sad, i don’t want to go back to school. mostly, i don’t want to go to gym 1st period. >: ( oh well. i’ve been sleeping so much lately, it’s kind of stupid. i feel like i wasted too much of my break on sleeping. i should probably have not stayed up 24+ hours watching general hospital marathons on youtube though. i’ll try to keep that in mind for my next break.  my goal is to get no c’s on my next report card. it shouldn’t be that hard, but sometimes i settle for c’s because chemistry is too stupid. haha. it’s really hard for me to care about dividing the atomic number on lead by avowhatever’s number, not because it’s hard (because it’s not, it’s simple math), but because i don’t give a damn.

over break i’ve also come to find that i’m a huge sucker for medical dramas. oh well, they make me happy. they almost make me want to be a doctor, but that would be really silly. haha. well, this break has been especially fun. i didn’t do much, but it was nice to relax and not worry for once. i hope i can stay in the mindset, but only time will tell.

this won't work now the way it once did, and i won't keep it up even though i would love to. this won't work now the way it once did, and i won't keep it up even though i would love to.

blah, i’ve been thinking about a lot. it’s weird to look back just one year, and see how much has changed. the bad thing is that some people that actually made you happy fucked you over and they’re not in your life anymore. the good thing is that you don’t have to worry about getting fucked over by your “best friends”. oh well, point being is that no matter how bad you think everything is, you’ll get over it, and that’s pretty much what my new years resolution is. stop letting stupid bitches take advantage of you, that also entails not being so mean. it’s hard though, the last time i was nice to somebody i got taken advantage of. : \ oh well, fuck everyone that fucked me over. i’m not going to let them ruin the rest of my sophomore year.

do you see? it takes everything to be in this moment.

today was actually good, well for the most part. i went to bed at 12 and ended up waking up at 5am. i had the worst dream too. eep. went back to sleep, woke up at 9, got ready to go to the mall, then slept a little more and hung out until 5. i went to the mall, got some stuff, and then i saw some familiar looking mexican girl. D : after the mall i went over to my aunt’s grandma’s house, and she told some cute stories. my best friend is finally back from florida! and i got isaac’s new number! the only bad thing was that tiffany gave me an ultimateum. i don’t blame her, but it’s really difficult to make a decision. unfortunately, i’m actually really considering it.

tomorrow i have a behind the wheel lesson at 10. i hope smelly chola isn’t my partner again. eep. i can’t seem to remember up/downhill parking. it’s pissing mr. hunter off. being alone in a car with him is kind of weird. i guess driving with a person you don’t know would be akward in any situation. nevertheless, if smelly chola is going tomorrow, i hope she sticks around, even if she’s a crazy driver. i’ve been feeling shitty lately and i don’t really want to go to school. oh well, hopefully new year’s eve will end up being fun. here’s hoping, i could use some fun.

this week or last week, i don't really care about it anymore.

i just got back from the behind the wheel lesson from hell. my normal partner wasn’t there. even though he’s kind of weird and wears dress shoes every day, he was a lot better than that chola that smelled like weed and vodka. oh well. my teacher kept saying words, but i was too tired to understand them. i hope it wasn’t too important. my new blackberry came today, so yay for that. i’m going to try to call mary and go to sleep.